I have been prescribed drugs
for frequent Moderately Depressive States.
Chlorpromazine (Largactil, a drastic neuroleptic)
Trazodone (I slept for 14 hours).
They either had no effect or else unpleasant ones.
I tried St John's Wort and Tryptophan
to no effect.
Duloxetine (Cymbalta) had a good
result for a month or two.
Likewise Citalopram and Escitalopram.
after realising that what I really had
was Mild to Moderate Bipolar Disorder
(undiagnosed, of course) I bought
from the Netherlands one-gram capsules
of little 'Truffle-mushrooms'
sclerotia of Psilocybe tampanensis
to be taken once every 4 days.
They are not illegal or 'scheduled drugs'.
Within a week my mood-swings became
only slight, that is to say 'normal',
and my general feeling was
'quite good to very good'.
My creativity, which for years had lurked
underneath my low mood, returned.
Finally, a medicine – a natural
medicine – which worked!
Where I used to live in Northern Ireland,
Psilocybe semilanceata used to grow prolifically.
Harvesting them in the quiet autumn fields
was beautiful. When I ate them,
whether five or fifty, I always
had the same beautiful semi-erotic experience:
I would take off all my clothes,
go into the chilly garden
and sit upon the grass, smelling the trees
and shrubs, sniffing my armpits,
'absorbing power from the earth'
through my arse (or ass).
For someone un-inclined to sodomy
it was a lovely, strange thing that came to pass.