in the nineteen-forties to believe
that people and governments
and even the police were benign, that
not even Catholics were threatening,
and the Germans had been 'dealt with'.
The Russians, were a long way away
and America was worshipped as benign.
This reinforced my Asperger's perception
that the world is as it seems,
and people who look friendly must be friendly,
just like dogs.
But dogs are guileless, unlike humans.
I too lived fairly guilelessly
even though I suffered the slight shocks
of betrayal that everyone experiences
but which seemed to me enormous.
I then realised that facial expressions
like language are instruments of guile.
Perhaps every word in every language
like every other smile
has come from Pandora's box.
Now I have no family
no honour, no dignity,
no tribe, no country,
no friend, no misery,
and of course no certitude.
I thought I had some sort
of integrity.
It will soon be possible
to have no name, no past
in futureless solitude.
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