I still don't quite know what they meant

when they told me that I was
letting myself down. I felt
middling. Nor could I think
of what to be (other than myself)
when I grew up. I never grew up.
They wanted me to
do something with my life.
This meant getting a degree in medicine
(I didn't get any degree at all)
and, presumably, a classy and comely wife.
What I mostly did was to appal.