in the arsehole of diogenes

NEO-HERACLITUS_____________Qweir Notions in the arsehole of Diogenes: weBlog of a septuagenarian Binge-thinker since February 2008.
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Thursday, 6 February 2020

Slick Simile.

I slip into bed
like a frozen chicken
into a microwave.
I have never slipped
a frozen chicken into a microwave.
I have never had a microwave
and for thirty years or more I haven't eaten chicken.

But I slip into my
electro-blanketed bed gratefully
and with abandon.

I snuggle into bed
like I used to snuggle whole chickens
into an earthenware pot
of golden cardamomed, tarragoned
and saffroned onions with segments of three lemons,
before slipping it into the oven
to be served (with fluffy rice) an hour or two later.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

I can't help it but I keep having this image on my mind of your corpse being devoured at your very own funeral feast.
https://cdn.lifehack.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/25053028/satirical-animal-right-comics-parallel-universe-25.jpg

Wofl said...

I looked at that cartoon, but have to admit that I didn't understand it.
Nor (I also have to admit) your comment.
I guess I'm not too bright...

Anonymous said...

I got carried too far away mostly likely, as it does happen to me so very often.
It is about the parallel between how you prepared the chicken roast in a terracotta "bedding" with the intent to prepare it for consumption. And so, my addled brain concluded - I must apologize for this - you appear to get prepared for your very own ultimate feast by slow-cooking yourself in your bed over the years.

As for the cartoon, it was a bit erratic, but not too far off. I simply couldn't find a cartoon of chicken pecking on a human roast for some belated justice. :)

I'm harebrained, but sadly not a hare.

Wofl said...

Autophagy! The latest heinous perversion. Must check if there are auto-erotic/autophagous sites on the Deep Dark Web. Or maybe there is an Autophagy photographic group on FlickR. (I am already a contributor to its 'Dada Revisited' and 'Still-life & Experimental' groups.)

You are not hare-brained, just subtle like a hare. (Funnily enough yesterday I saw the word 'hair-brained' in a novel and amended it, as I pedantically/defacingly tend to do.)

I like the idea of being ever-so-slowly and intermittently cooked by an electric blanket. A great way to go ? Will start a Thread in my autophagy group. Male self-suckers welcome. (You have to start somewhere, why not somewhere doubly pleasurable ?)

Hare could also be cooked in this onion-snuggled way (with honey, lemon and the saffron and the other spices). But it would take longer, and possibly require its own blood to be added.

Yours gruesomely, Abd el-Haq the Seeker of Truth.

Wofl said...

PS
I see that 'autophagy' has a clinical/medical meaning quite different from the Self-devouring activity that we have been discussing.

Wikipedia droningly tells us that "Autophagy is the natural, regulated mechanism of the cell that removes unnecessary or dysfunctional components. It allows the orderly degradation and recycling of cellular components. Three forms of autophagy are commonly described: macroautophagy, microautophagy, and chaperone-mediated autophagy..."

Yawn.

And so to bed, to cook myself gently without the mediation of a chaperon(e).

Wofl said...

More:

Autophagy is a key homeostatic mechanism whose physiological importance is reflected by its preservation throughout the eukaryotic phylogenetic tree, from yeast to mammals...

I guess I'll have to abandon a pseudo-Greek neologism and opt for a nice neo-Germanic term:
Self-wolfing.

Ever yours,

Self-Wofl

Anonymous said...

Bonsoir Monsieur Soi-même-Dévoreur!

The more fitting wikipedia articles can be found at:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-cannibalism
and for those inclined to give everything a psychiatric label:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autophagia

The former entry does mention: "Self-cannibalism behavior has been documented in North American rat snakes: one captive snake attempted to consume itself twice, dying in the second attempt. Another wild rat snake was found having swallowed about two-thirds of its body." Which does take us back to your previous YogArt possibly even depicting the Ouroboros!
I do hope though that self-wofling will not be your fate and that you will stick to eating a slow-cooked vegetable bed without the wofl roast!

Wofl said...

The Orobouros is a pretty universal image...for aesthetic or philosophical - or auto-erotic reasons ? Le bon Dieu le sait.
Wikipedia has offered another glorious word: autosarcophagy - I love it! It must go into a poem. Sometime...

Those sweet demented rat-snakes. What did they feel while consuming themselves, I wonder ? (Diary of a Self-consuming rat-snake - Out Soon - Quetzalcoatl Press)

Slow-cooking of oneself in a bed is a bit wasteful. The eventual delicious (?) juices would just soak into furnishing...though they might result in the breeding of delicious maggots, which would turn into flies... Ah! a subject for a grisly forensic novel...

This is getting ridiculous!

bandit said...

Have you ever been called "a little piece of chicken"?

For some, this can be the highest honor.

Wofl said...

No, never. Nor have I been called an old boar...nor even a dirty dog.

Yours,

Quiet old wofl-wolf.

Anonymous said...

To finalise this ludicrous nonsense: In some corners of the German speaking countries a funeral feast is called a "Leichenschmaus", which could be literally translated as a "corpse feast/indulgence." I have found this connotation always a little bemusing ever since my childhood days. But I reckon that is the very intent of that blended word.

Wofl said...

Compare lyke-wake in English, not to mention lych-gate under which a corpse would rest before being buried. The wake, like the feast, takes place around the corpse, partly to 'keep it company', partly to keep away evil forces - and even, in the 17th and 18th century, to protect it from body-snatchers - and partly to celebrate (Schmaus can also mean 'celebration', as did 'feast' in English). Wakes, of course, have not died out in Ireland, nor in the Balkans.

Finally, Filo the philological.