in the arsehole of diogenes

NEO-HERACLITUS_____________Qweir Notions in the arsehole of Diogenes: weBlog of a septuagenarian Binge-thinker since February 2008.

Wednesday, 16 August 2017

Tuesday, 15 August 2017

“The Germans are not human beings.

"From now on the word German pierces our hearts and is for us the worst imaginable curse.
We shall not panic. We shall kill.
If you have not killed at least one German a day,
you have wasted that day [...]
for us the greatest of all joys is a heap of German corpses.”

- IIya Ehrenburg, Russian propagandist of German-Lithuanian-Jewish extraction.

Monday, 14 August 2017

On Writing Historical Fiction.

'You need to know ten times
as much as you tell."

- Hilary Mantel

This is surely also true of biography
and autobiography, which are themselves
forms of historical fiction.

Sunday, 13 August 2017

The Most Evil Empire.

Churchill and Christ in a gunboat! 
Make the wogs walk on water,
set fire to their villages.
Grab whole continents
and sub-continents.
Smash factories,
destroy societies,
take all resources,
make them grow opium,
make them smoke opium,
divide and rule,
let them starve,
deliver hundreds of thousands
to firing-squads and concentration-camps,
wipe out more 'lesser breeds' than Stalin or Hitler
- and award yourself a permanent seat
on the cynical UN Security Council.

Saturday, 12 August 2017

Really ?

It's just what an aircraft dinner from the 1960s
was for The Great Unwashed who travelled by cheapo charter flight -
and who now get even worse.

Friday, 11 August 2017


for most people
seems to be banality.
But real reality
(as every earwig knows)
is surreality.

Thursday, 10 August 2017

Five Haikai

The brandy finished -
time to get down to business
and admire the moon.


Having sucked my blood
the horse-fly dismounts and sits
on cow-parsley head.


From the same corruption
emerge a stink-horn toadstool
and a violet.


Ten million sperm
dripping on the book-jacket.
Words are waste of words.


A brief urgency -
my bare arse is caressed by
the April nettles.

Wednesday, 9 August 2017

I wish I had written this...

by Eric Chaet

I didn’t choose camouflage or invisibility.
I’ve tried, all along
to make what I think manifest
to behave as I think I should
however contrary to custom
to let everyone who wished
see that I was pursuing goals
they believe are unattainable.

But I was only one
& how I appeared was discounted
as an imagined figment
or temporary insanity
or an instance of this or that
doomed religion or political movement.

Without shaving my beard
or changing into more conventional clothes
I find myself allied with brown sparrows
who duck out of sight
among shadows, leaves, & branches
with rabbits, mice, deer
& timid boys & girls
& intimidated subordinates everywhere
engaged in every occupation
with all who have failed
or feel they’re failing—
& the stampeding so-called successes
talk clever bullshit on TV
& allocate resources
to maintain the current
& develop the next round of outrages
as tho' I’d never struggled or spoken.

You see a bit of me here & now
but soon you’ll be otherwise occupied.
If you remember, then, what you’ve seen
& decipher (which is easy) what it means
I’ll gladly be of greater service to you
than those blinded by what they expect
can imagine.

[more by Eric  HERE]

Tuesday, 8 August 2017

Another Sign of Senility.

I turned on the car radio the other day
(it's pre-set to boring and talky France-Musique)
and was amazed to hear some superb Arab-Jazz fusion
which turned out to be Jan Garbarek with Anouar Brahem and others.
Finally! I thought, somebody has got the message
that there is music beyond post-11th century Europe.
But when I got home, I couldn't find it on the listings,
so went to the car to check what station I was on.
I had been playing one of my own CDs.
So it's back to mainly-baroque boredom on France-Musique.

Monday, 7 August 2017

Language, Truth and Logic

If the offspring of a cat
is a kitten,
I think it highly likely that
the offspring of a mat
is a mitten.

Saturday, 5 August 2017


Horse-fly's shopping-trip:
from dog-turd to me, and on
to someone's dinner.

Friday, 4 August 2017

Epithalamium ?

On the 14th of June 2017
we (aged 75 and 55 respectively)
had our platonic,
same-sex and boyish,
sweetly intimate
of over 20 years rewarded
for a modest fee with an official
and embossed
Civil Partnership certificate.

Thursday, 3 August 2017

A Reply to Adam Zagajewski

Of course we should praise the mutilated world -
but we should rage against its mutilation.
Let us not praise in any way
our mutilating selves,
our self- and world-mutilating creeds,
'values', 'ways of life'.
Rage against the deserts we call 'gardens',
our cynical and criminal misuse of water,
our making the poor ever-poorer, rare animals rarer,
our destruction of trees by farms and fancy furniture and paper,
our pollution of the oceans through sheer greed,
our servicing of cities by continuous slaughter
which we drown out by night-club laughter.

Wednesday, 2 August 2017

Before there was glass

in church windows
there was thin but untransparent
The hovels of the poor
had the caul-
like skin of a cow's stomach
stretched and dried
over a hole in the wall.

Monday, 31 July 2017

The gloriously controversial

Slavoj Žižek gave a lecture entitled:
Under capitalism 80 percent of the population are simply disposable. 
Ultimately, he's right, but the notorious "checks and balances",
not to mention committedly rebellious folk
will ensure (short of nuclear war)
that 80 percent is not actually disposed of...
except, of course, the unimportant people in Syria
and at least 80% of the world...

Sunday, 30 July 2017


Mud three metres deep...
     The horses, the poor horses!
and the dead England- and Empire-resenting Irish
who fought allegedly for "plucky little Belgium",
and for whom no sickly-sanctimonious war-memorials
would be erected in their half-Free State.

[The three-month Third Battle of Ypres, fought around the village of Passchendaele (now Passendale, NE of Ieper/Ypres),began on the 31st July, 1917. 
The bodies of 35,000 soldiers on the Allied side,
drowned in mud, were never found or never identified.]

Saturday, 29 July 2017

A nice (if awkward) little rhyme

from Aleister Crowley.

"Blot out mankind - and give the beasts a chance!
 Nature may in their inheritance grant
 Some semblance of a race
 Less infinitely base."

Friday, 28 July 2017

When I smoke weed

I happily imagine
that I lose my identity
and become
Old Man With Dog.

Thursday, 27 July 2017

The most ancient Conundrum.

How was it
that co-operative creatures
constructed the Pandora's Box
of private property ?

Tuesday, 25 July 2017

Deep down,

I suspect that most people
are the opposite of what they seem.

Monday, 24 July 2017

Why I have so few friends.

I did not know that I concurred with and followed William Blake's instruction:

(Most of my friends are women.)

Sunday, 23 July 2017

Unlike Emily,

I would rather my poetry
and my paintings, my name,
became known after my death than before,
thus enjoying the frugality of isolation
and avoiding the horrors of fame.

Saturday, 22 July 2017


that we borrowed the term joie-de-vivre
from the French,
who are somewhat dour and surly
compared with the Italians.

Friday, 21 July 2017

The poetry of great prose.

"Above him the great dome made a lonely tumour above the ogre-king."

on the tomb of  Tamerlane or Timur in Samarkand, by
Colin Thubron in The Lost Heart of Asia.

Thursday, 20 July 2017

Some mediæval 'Holy Women'

claimed that the foreskin of Jesus
'materialised' in their mouths -
like old rubber bands, perhaps,
or with the texture of a pre-latex condom -
but what did they do with it ?
[insert answer here]......................................
- and at least one Italian church
has a relic of St Joseph's Breath...

Wednesday, 19 July 2017


which began as a kind of homage to nature
is now an insult,
being like gold taps in a bathroom
without running water and no WC -
or like the donning of a sable coat
in winter with nothing underneath.

Tuesday, 18 July 2017

Monday, 17 July 2017


is as ridiculous an idea as Heaven
or Yahwe/God/Alla'h,
yet, like them, is what our civilisation is based on.
In an infinite hotel
which is fully (infinitely) booked
there is an infinite number of vacant rooms
- or so I'm told.
This sounds like sophistry
of the most outrageous, religious kind.

(My dog, Asterix, however,
who had seven years of irregular
under-feeding, when he spent
his days in a cage, and his nights
alone in spooky warehouse dark,
tells me
that he
understands infinity -

because it is located in his belly...)

Saturday, 15 July 2017

Thinking (yet again) about Syrian refugees

arriving in Greece
land of Clytemnestra, Œdipus, Antigone, Elektra
...and Diogenes,
I wonder
what's so marvellous about survival ?

Friday, 14 July 2017

For Malcolm

I feel so privileged
and humble
eating your gorgeous
gooseberry crumble.

Thursday, 13 July 2017

I am a Peculiar Person

who talks not only to himself
and to his dog
but also to his delicious
gooseberry crumble.

Wednesday, 12 July 2017

Tuesday, 11 July 2017


appeals to two opposed categories of human beings:
those who cannot imagine that their self-importance is temporary,
and those whose life is so wretched that their only consolation
is that a life-to-come might be a compensation.

Monday, 10 July 2017

The only route

to emotional independence
is by avoiding peer pressure.
This is especially difficult
if you're a parent, so if you want
to be emotionally independent
it is necessary to avoid peer pressure
by not being a parent.

Sunday, 9 July 2017

Although I am certainly not an admirer,

I would venture to say that the main reason
for the widespread dislike of President Trump
is that he is incapable of hypocrisy.

Friday, 7 July 2017

Being so downright,

I don't think I have ever been upright
(as in upright citizen)
except in my teenage, year-long, religious phase,
when I was a sickening prig - polite,
and, very up-tight.

Thursday, 6 July 2017

We are coming down with stuff -

but have hardly room to breathe
or laugh -
and so we seethe -

bothering only to study stuff
rather than our situations
or our mass, crass motivations.

Wednesday, 5 July 2017

I guess I'm too late.

In 1979 (aged 27) I was living with my German Sheepdog
as a part-time gardener on the 9,000 acre estate
of the Earl of Caledon, on the Irish Border.
I had read Jean Genet and Dostoyevsky,
but I don't think I knew anything about cocaine
apart from Cocaine Blues and a 1920s blues
that I cannot locate, but has been re-interpreted
by Jackson Browne.
I guess this is typical of a white middle-class nerd!

(listen also to the wonderful Memphis Jug Band's
Take a whiff on me.)

Tuesday, 4 July 2017

On the Fourth of July

European-Americans celebrate
their independence from England,
so most African-Americans don't have to work.
They can spend the day
celebrating each other
and commiserating with, maybe even praying for,

Monday, 3 July 2017

Before Independence,

New England (especially Maryland)
was a penal colony.
Three-quarters of the population
had been shipped from the British Isles in chains.
After the Independence of the USA,
Australia became 'home' to Irish Republicans,
vagrants, blasphemers and stealers of beans.

Saturday, 1 July 2017

In 1968

(the year of the Prague Spring, Pražské jaro, Pražská jar)
one in every nine Canadians was an immigrant
or refugee - mostly draft-dodgers, drop-outs
and deserters from the USA.
In 1970 Canada was the world's largest exporter
of small-arms.
There is no connection.
The "vibrant" Czech small-arms industry
is based in Brno, called Brünn
in the anti-nationalist Austro-Hungarian Empire.

Friday, 30 June 2017

Why you should never turn on an overhead air-duct on an aeroplane.

Aer Lingus* gave me the 'flu
- and this was mid-June, mind you!
Ten days in bed...
I wished I was dead
or at least was able to sue.

* [Aer Lingus is Ireland's snooty and deposed national airline,
now lowish-cost - if you book early.]

Thursday, 29 June 2017

Western Values

exterminated these fine specimens, too.
(WVs always eliminate the toughest,
always want to bring down the alpha-males
whether lions, tigers or superior people.)

If it is warm enough (in summer, anyway) to live without clothes
on Tierra del Fuego,
not so far from Antarctica,
why are we forced and brainwashed to do so ?
For two reasons:
1. The nasty genital-obsessed Abrahamic religions which have taken over the world.
2. Without the huge areas of land devoted to growing cotton
     and the huge factories devoted to processing it
     and the huge factories devoted to fashioning it
     and the millions of underpaid workers involved in all this
     our nasty and criminally-wasteful capitalist system would collapse.
go to website =>

Friday, 23 June 2017

Adam Zagajewski, a celebrated poet, wrote:

"Only in marriage do love and time,
eternal enemies, join forces."

Well, he's not Rilke, not Miłosz,
but a middle-class
triumphalist Polish Catholic,
living in the USA,
so he would write
such populist, trite,
sub-militarist tripe.

Thursday, 22 June 2017

Wednesday, 21 June 2017

Buying a second-hand violin ?

Check that it doesn't look like this inside:
PVA and possibly sniffing-glue, missing linings and corner-blocks...

photo by violin-restorer Almina Kaselis

Tuesday, 20 June 2017

The benefit of Literature.

I have read perhaps 500 novels
and, although I understand people
(especially males)
better than I otherwise would have,
I am no better at coping with them
(and my own shortcomings)
than if I had not read a single one.

Monday, 19 June 2017

Until AI* saves the planet,

the more technology we rely on,
the stupider we will get.

* by this I mean the unlikely perfection of Artificial Intelligence,
not the god-playing practice of Artificial Insemination.

Sunday, 18 June 2017

The basic problem with socialism

is that it is obsessed with labour
(hence The British Labour Party),
production, and consumption.
Thus it inevitably supports
the exploitation of 'resources',
whether human or non-human
in as crass a way as capitalism.

Saturday, 17 June 2017

When the Lakota Sioux were asked

by the stupid, murderous
white Greedies if they would sell
"their" land, they gravely wondered if
"their" sky was included in the
(dishonoured) deal.

Thursday, 15 June 2017

Darrel Whitaker,

from Glenwood Springs in Colorado,
claims a sasquatch attacked him
and attempted to rape him
while he was walking in the woods...

Hi there, Darrel (poor guy, what a name!) -
it happens to us all, sooner or later.
But the rest of us keep quiet about it.

Wednesday, 14 June 2017

I'm sure -

because I so love going to bed -
that I will be wonderfully happy when I'm dead,
enjoying the eternal bliss
of not having to arise and piss.

Tuesday, 13 June 2017

My four hints towards self-improvement.

Examine the intention.
Engage the attention.
Enter the unknown -
informed by the inknown.

Monday, 12 June 2017

Sunday, 11 June 2017


because I so love going to bed,
I will be wonderfully happy when I'm dead,
luxuriating in the eternal bliss
of not having to get up and piss.

Thursday, 8 June 2017

Unfortunately, 'Westerners'

are too brainwashed to understand
that what 'Islamists' object to
is less our sham democracy
and aggressively-consumerist 'way-of-life'
and more our multi-level
hypocrisy, which universal curse
of civilisation they want to replace
with their own - apparently even worse.

Monday, 5 June 2017

Sunday, 4 June 2017

Good to Know.

"If you choose to Reset Edge by deleting the whole Edge User environment
and run the PowerShell reregister commandlet to recreate a clean user environment,
Windows will automagically restore/repopulate the RoamingState folder for you
with data from the cloud."

Saturday, 3 June 2017

Reflections on Flannery O'Connor.

Very many millions
are poorer than the dead,
for the dead owe nothing
to anyone, and they know
that life is no gift,
just indebtedness,

What dies with our bodies
is the construction of consciousness,
and beyond fragile awareness
nothing can be known,
nothing experienced.

Friday, 2 June 2017

Something we now forget

is that almost all people
(crown princes, viziers,
royal stewards, generals,
as well as tenant farmers,
slaves and servants)
were expendable
and easily replaceable.

Thursday, 1 June 2017

She had a degree in biochemistry

- which meant that she changed the sheets,
cleaned out the fridge,
and emptied the pedal-bin in the kitchen.

How much has changed
since The Women's Room
was published in 1977 ?

Wednesday, 31 May 2017

Funeral Advice.

Would The Deceased
actually care
whether you're there
or not ?
If the answer's No -
don't go
(unless you want to
sing the silly hymns and see the coffin,
the other Mourners, or the Graveyard Plot).
If the answer's Yes -
don't go under the dead's duress.

Tuesday, 30 May 2017

Black-and-Yellow Dog Blues..

If I look Noble and Eager
 perhaps he'll take me out.
If I look Sad and Pathetic
 perhaps he'll take me out.
If I growl and bite him
 perhaps he'll throw me out.
       Oh no!
       Where will I go ?
       What will I eat ?
        I love him so...

Monday, 29 May 2017

We congratulate ourselves as a species

for our ever-more-refined
ability to bind
effect to cause.
(and according to not just this poet)
we often get the linkage wrong
and never know it.

Saturday, 27 May 2017

To be,

or to behave
is always the question.
To see,
or to blindly seem;
to express,
or to repress,

Friday, 26 May 2017

Blue eyes

seem to fascinate many
(if not most) folk.
I have no idea why,
because I have always found
blue-eyed people
to be untrustworthy,
unreliable, "unsound".

Thursday, 25 May 2017


"Terrorist Outrages" are,
in a typically human, perverted way,
quite intelligent, 'strategically-sound' -
because they re-foment the mindless humbug
which gave rise to the terrorism in the first place,
thus re-inforcing the vicious circle of alpha-male activity
which makes our nasty little human world 'go round'.

Wednesday, 24 May 2017

On democracy and the commercial media.

"The people's" "right to know"
is, remarkably, no greater than "the media's"
desire and ability to profit from scandal.

Tuesday, 23 May 2017

"The real struggle,"

wrote the Jewish philosopher Martin Buber,
"is not between East and West,
or Capitalism and Communism,
but between Education and Propaganda."
Unfortunately, there is no firm dividing-line
between any of these alleged opposites,
least of all between Education and Propaganda.

Monday, 22 May 2017

This is a photo of

the plants seen today in flower
during a brief walk with Astérix on a limestone plateau.
They include Viper's Bugloss (Vipérine)

Rock Spurge
Birdsfoot Trefoil
Not-quite-Meadowsweet (which smells like Meadowsweet)
Rock Pink (carnation_
Rock Geranium
Spanish Broom
a kind of Privet
and a couple which I could not even guess...

And here is His Holy Sniffiness
in a riverside meadow a week earlier.

"Human desire,"

wrote Hegel,
"always begins with desire
for another's desire."

Friday, 19 May 2017

Thursday, 18 May 2017


Men care most about
what is least real -
and thus keep altering reality.

Tuesday, 16 May 2017

Slavery never ends.

On the one hand
competitive and compulsive consumption,
requiring employment;
on the other
unregistered domestic labour.

Monday, 15 May 2017

Popular poets

depress me !
Example: Robert Frost,
a Grand Old White Man
(but not fit to slather Whitman's arse)
whose smugness was unequalled.
No wonder that the puerile Allen Ginsberg
usurped him briefly in the 1960s!
"The road not taken" is so crass,
"The Gift Outright" so nauseatingly
offensive that I think that Robert Frost
kiboshed American poetry - as TS Eliot
garotted poetry in England with his
profoundly superficial Four Quartets.

Friday, 12 May 2017

Tidiness is next to Godliness.

(The tune is by Handel
which may be why the hymn still sung.)

Thine be the glory, risen, conquering Son;
endless is the victory, thou o'er death hast won;
angels in bright raiment rolled the stone away,
kept the folded grave clothes where thy body lay.

Thursday, 11 May 2017

On one of these "planetary bodies"

there is said to be water and ice
and, possibly, what we, in our ignorance,
call "life".

click for more

Tuesday, 9 May 2017

Sunday, 7 May 2017

Life is...

1. (seriously) Just a consciousness-trap.
2. (frivolously) A waste of gas.

Saturday, 6 May 2017

Before the "Garden of Eden"

it is not beyond the bounds of possibility#
that palæolithic adolescents (if not their seniors)
sucked each others' cocks.

Friday, 5 May 2017

If only...

...Jean Genet and Rosa Luxemburg
had met in prison !

"True Liberty necessarily involves the freedom to think differently
from everyone around you."

Thursday, 4 May 2017

Tuesday, 2 May 2017

"Liberal, democratic"

has come to mean
"élitist" -
which it always was !
(Though you may have detected
that élite
actually means both "elect" and "elected".)

Sunday, 30 April 2017

Simply put,

consciousness is simply hubris.
More discursively,
it is just the addled, ill and composite illusion
of the brain's trillions of connections
that they form one whole - and unique - self.
So human consciousness resists
its own invented sense of reason
in a desperate attempt
to prove unto itself that it actually exists.

Saturday, 29 April 2017

We wear shoes

to protect our soft feet
and keep them soft.
We wear socks
to protect our feet from our shoes:
a cultural solution
to anti-evolution.

Thursday, 27 April 2017

My kind and loyal readers

seem to be mostly in the USA.
There are none in Ireland
from which slurry-green isle
I am an exultant exile.

                          Дякую ! 


Wednesday, 26 April 2017


All numbers
No qualities

All solutions
No compromises

All puzzles
No wisdom

Monday, 24 April 2017

Sunday, 23 April 2017

The wonderful thing about paintings

is that they are wordless
and have no beginning or end
except for the changeable
oft-inappropriate frame,
and are not static, but phatic,
and, though fading and flaking,
are as timeless as graveyards.
Paintings don't run out of words.

Friday, 21 April 2017

The beginning and the end of a poem.

Words are the flesh and the bones of thoughts,
and life for us humans is a holocaust of words.

Thursday, 20 April 2017

Monday, 17 April 2017

My problem with 'democracy';

is that it is an expensive and easily-corrupted method
of giving The Vote to far worse people than mere litter-louts,
tax-fraudsters and sugar-refiners.
The most sensible solution for Representative Government
would be parliamentarians selected by lot. 
It would cost almost nothing,
there would be no crap about The Will of The People,
and the resulting random selection would not be worse
than what we have got.  Parties could then be abolished, too.  What bliss ! Perhaps one or two dogs could be co-opted into parliament
for occasional stroking and reality-check.

Saturday, 15 April 2017

All we need to know about the expansionism

of European 'Christians'
is contained in this talentless but revealing
(if not revelling) hymn:

The Son of God goes forth to war
  A kingly crown to gain:
His blood-red banner streams afar;
  Who follows in His train ?

Who best can drink His cup of woe,
  Triumphant over pain,
Who patient bears His Cross below
  He follows in His train.

Friday, 14 April 2017

"He saved others,

but himself he cannot save!"
Because he knew the human self
is worth no more, no less,
than water in a wave ?
Deeply countercultural
and not without defect
he was like the best of us,
I guess, in that respect.

Thursday, 13 April 2017

In my Next Incarnation

I fancy being an Emperor-


- presumably so-named because it vaguely resembles
an Emperor of China...
I love its ears.
I think I might be an animal-ears fetishist.

Wednesday, 12 April 2017

Some lovely lines

from John Irving's A Prayer for Owen Meany:

"Of course, there is no heart, however serious, that finds the death of culture entirely lacking in entertainment."

"Every country knows more about America than Americans know about themselves!  And Americans know absolutely nothing about any other country."

"She must have thought it a pity that some poor fools had to waste their lives writing in order for us to have sufficient reading material."

Tuesday, 11 April 2017

Sunday, 9 April 2017

This morning I heard a cuckoo

for the first time this spring.
Tomorrow the swifts and swallows will arrive.
Or maybe the day after.

There's rarely an empty moment

that someone does not fill
with hypocrisy - or worse.
(is the Big H the greatest curse ?)

Saturday, 8 April 2017

My dog says

that to a dog
humans are extraordinary
and extraordinarily unpredictable

Thursday, 6 April 2017

Wednesday, 5 April 2017

This Incredible Spring

the flowers in bloom simultaneously
here in south-west France include:
violets, primroses, periwinkles (major and minor),
cowslips, lesser celandines, ladies-smocks,
poppies, lilac, wisteria,
judas-tree, iris, toothwort,
tormentil, scabious, service-tree,
lungwort, larkspurs, scillas,
grape-hyacinths, wood-anemones,
quinces, apples, plums and cherries,
devil's milk or greater celandine,
chionodoxas, magnolias, japonicas (chaenomeles)...

You might puzzle over the difference between InformANT and InformER,

but have you ever thought about this ?

Tuesday, 4 April 2017

Cosmetic labels.

There is, of course,
no difference between
an informant and an informer,
whatever you are told,
however you are sold.

Monday, 3 April 2017

Saturday, 1 April 2017

Perennial Fool.

No mammal is weaker than the human,
hence technology.
Whereas all other predators prey upon
the very young, or very old, or sick: the weak,
the modern human prides himself
on preying on the strong -
especially impressive males. Man is a freak.

Friday, 31 March 2017

Nobody really needs

a relationship
except to hold
as some kind of property
or else be beholden
and some kind of property
and (most often) breed
the most intense
and expensive kind of
personal property.

Thursday, 30 March 2017

People, people,

coming and going
rushing and crushing
crammed with stories
banal tales
that they believe
that they want to believe
that others have made them believe
clattering, battering,
charging, enlarging
inside the rinds
of their skulls
until they escape
and penetrate
ever more minds.

Wednesday, 29 March 2017

Astérix, he say :

Katz is Vermin.
Not just a sermon -
he is doing his Belgian best
to eradicate this pesky pest.

(Be grateful!)

Tuesday, 28 March 2017


999 is the emergency number in the UK and Ireland
and the number of names of holy Astérix,

which include

As the Terrible, Cuddly, Importunate
Rug of the Future
The We of Me
The You of Us
Dr Doolittle
Tiglath Pileser
Farty Doodlet
Jack the Ripper
Douglas Fur

Monday, 27 March 2017

When the clocks go forward

it is time to visit my grave.

click picture to enlarge

(It will be time to die
when incompetence
catches up with incontinence.)

Sunday, 26 March 2017


There are just two kinds of religion:
the old and the less-old.
The less-old are religions of belief
(Christianity, Islam)
while the old are religions of practice
(all others, including Judaism).
This difference has created modern history
through colonialism which has made Jesus
the Antichrist, and Mohamed
the enslaver.

Saturday, 25 March 2017

Two sentences from 'The Color Purple':

[God] just sit up there glorying in being deef, I reckon.

The last thing niggers want to think about they God is that his hair is kinky.

I have never understood why coloured people took and take so enthusiastically to a joyless white (and joyless white men's. tight-lipped white women's) god. Is it 'just' self-oppression ?  Or Stockholm Syndrome ?  Or both ?

Thursday, 23 March 2017

Donald Trump in 1981.

"Man is the most vicious of all animals,
and life is a series of battles ending in victory or defeat.
You just can't let people make a sucker out of you."

What a pathetic statement!
The first eight words are incontrovertible,
but Mr Trump in his (continuing) naivety
seemed to be unaware of the delightful arts of subterfuge:
blending in with the surroundings, pretending to be "suckers" and hiding in the cracks,
as billions of us do,  even the "vicious" tiger -
striped to merge with the forest shadows...
but a lot of good that has done it - because of the most vicious of animals. 
I think the obviously-unfulfilled Trump is the sucker!

Wednesday, 22 March 2017

We should have known

that The Enlightenment
was a dead end.
Just look at the stupidity
the controlled sterility
of French formal gardens.

Tuesday, 21 March 2017

Psychedelic !

Hairy lobster - Galathea pilosa
Venomous Blue-ringed octopus - Hapalochlaena lunulata.

Monday, 20 March 2017

Heard on the wireless:

Stoic Seneca
was booted out
of Rome
to exile on Corsica
by the Emperor Caligula*.

*Caligula means little boot, because of special miniature military hob-nailed boots made for him when he was a little boy accompanying his father Germanicus on military campaigns.

Sunday, 19 March 2017

One of the many good book-titles

that I have dreamed up in idle moments is this
one for a typical blood-and-sex thriller:
Mr Killer Wants a Kiss.

Saturday, 18 March 2017

Just two of many interesting comparisons.

Anglophones have the phrase
to wash one's dirty linen in public
Francophones have
to wash one's dirty linen in private
(rather than in the communal lavoir).

Anglophones say
Dog eats dog
Francophones say
Wolves don't eat other wolves.

Thursday, 16 March 2017

Wednesday, 15 March 2017

This is Colorado -

but it looks strangely like the West of Scotland or Ireland !

(photo by Almina Kaselis)

Tuesday, 14 March 2017

English orthography is much more bizarre than Trump,

            sez Astérix.

"I chaste a flokk of guses this mourning.  
They flue up in the ayr and honked.
I luvd it.
I chaste a kat.
It wuz grait.
I chaste anuther kat.
Whair doe al the kats kum from ?  Thair ar far 2 menny.
Old ladys leeve kruntchees out for strey wuns.
I eet the katz kruntchees.
Mebbe thail dy.
I stoal kreem from the kreemjug.
Ime a grate fello.
Boss luvs me.

Ime boared."

Monday, 13 March 2017

Saturday, 11 March 2017

Before the (Very Interesting) French Presidential Elections

the Political Poster Board has to be cleared from the last election.

France is so civilised that the fly-posting of political posters is illegal.
Each commune or village has its board, on which all the candidates are pictured
together with their banal slogan.
There is no (USA, Philippines, India-style) television-advertising, either.
My prediction is that Marine le Pen will win, thus upsetting the smug apple-cart
of Western Liberal Values in Europe, and threatening the fake cohesion
of the European Union - of which, I should say, I am an absurdly-keen supporter.

Friday, 10 March 2017

"I'll see myself out"

is a common dramatic
mostly televisual trope
that's rarely heard in actual life
(at least I've never heard it).

My mother used to say
that a coat would "see her out"
meaning that it would outlast her
(as would the planet).

"See myself out" I will -
for the nothingness of death
itself is heaven.

Tuesday, 7 March 2017

On Inner Dialogue.

There is much mention by orientalist new-agers and quasi-mystics
about 'clearing your mind' and 'stopping the inner dialogue' through meditation.
It could be argued that the problems of the world are caused by lack of inner dialogue,
encouraged by the narrow single-mindedness (or indeed mindlessness) of politics and education.
Evil comes from deliberate suppression of thought acting through the thoughtless,
and the banality of evil is sheer human reproductiveness.

Monday, 6 March 2017

It would never be a straw

that would break a camel's back
(as it passed through the Needle's Eye*)
but sheer and terrible fatigue.

[ * The name of a narrow street in Jerusalem.]

Sunday, 5 March 2017

We hate randomness

but whether this is a result of civilisation
or its origin is difficult to judge. It seems to me
that the function of civilisation is to protect
the powerful, "the élites" from randomness
by persuading or forcing, through famine
(which rarely occurs outside civilisation),
the less assertive to be human shields,
and making them believe that their sacrifice
is for the Common Good.

Saturday, 4 March 2017

True failure

is the inability
or unwillingness
to live with our endemic
moral failings.

*** We apologise to our thousands of readers for an absence of blog for the last two days.
This was due to circumstances beyond our control, such as old age, innumeracy, the mild weather, a missing calendar, and the inscrutable but incontrovertible plan of the Great God Astérix.

Wednesday, 1 March 2017

Extract from a Correspondence between Rocky and Asterix

I've decided on a new hobby Gardening. Me and my owner were very busy last week with clearing up the rough ground in the orchard, i.e ivy (which had fallen down during storm 'Doris') and digging up a lot of nettle roots etc. Then we were transplanting some of the plants that were getting waterlogged in the lawn to the newly created space. I was sniffing out good spots for where to put the plants and was very busy directing the wheelbarrow to my chosen places. I think we have done a pretty good job and maybe I'll consider a new career in Canine Gardening (the only thing is all the muck, it makes my paws sooo dirty!)
But it is not so exciting as catching a ball or a Frisbee.

My ears stood up too when I was a puppy. I was very embarrassed when I looked at myself and thought I will never look like a Border Collie. But then bit by bit they dropped down and I was very relieved. Your ears are how they should be and are very lovely.

The weather has been up and down, one day Spring and next day winter. We even had a bit of sleet this morning. Well, it is the last day of Winter, so hopefully Spring will be arriving tomorrow. 

Hope you two are well and look after each other - 

From your Hundefreund Rocky and mein Frauchen und Herrchen

Liebe Hundefreunde Rokki und Frauchenli + Herrchenli,

Chers ami canin Roqui et ses Parrains (ou parents ?  humans should give birth to more dogs) 

It seems I have been speaking the wrong language.  I am told that I am definitely a Mechelse Herder van Vlaanderen en ijk spreke vlaamse.  C’est à dire un chien Berger Malinois (Malines=Mechelen, a town south of Antwerpen/Anvers). 

I was very impressed by your ears when you were young.  They look even better than mine – perhaps.  (Thanks for the compliment.  I like compliments.  Don’t you admire my tail ?Maybe one of your ancestors came from Belgium or Germany ?  Maybe they are Prussian Ears, very straight and upright and pointed J   

On Saturday I went to the Veterinary Clinic about 10 km away and I met a lovely woman called Huguette.  She is Belgian (Walloon) and she can read books in French, Dutch, German and English, because I saw them on her bookshelf.  She radiates love.  My Driver fell in love with her.  Apparently everyone is in love with her.  She gave me nice tasty meaty-sweeties because I am such a beautiful and good dog.   I have been limping, and she says I may have Arthritis in my right shoulder.  I have been taking Metacam (hidden in lumps of meat, though I’m not supposed to know that), but I am still limping.  I go back tomorrow and may get X-Rayed.  I was nearly an hour with Huguette (who specialises in dogs and pigs – Frau Schweinundhunddoktor ? ; her Dutch partner specialises in funless cats, and an English man specialises in horses and donkeys and big creatures like that) while she weighed me (I am 28 kg, almost half the weight of my Driver and Valet) and examined my gorgeous fur.  

My turds are now firmer and not so wet.   I chased a hen and it died.  Its name was Dolly. 

I too have been helping with gardening.  My Dogsbody (Faktotum – this is Latin, you know) and I dug a hole and he put a plant in it at our Guerrilla Garden just 100 metres away.  I found a dog-turd under one of the plants. I have met a lot of dogs lately, all of them much quieter than those at the Shelter.  There was a very nice lady dog I met this morning who fancied me.  Perhaps she likes male dogs with Very Small Testicles.  (Eierchen ? Schrumpelklöten ?) (On the other hand I have a nice, large  furry willy (Piller, Piepel, Pillermann, Zipfel, Lümmel, Schniedelwutz - nicht nolens volens which is Latin, you know – I am a Highly-Educated Dog and read about Odysseus and Argus and Cerberus and Anubis - amongst others - in my ample spare time) which all the lady dogs and humans can admire.)  Sorry about all the brackets – I hope they don’t confuse a poor Border Collie with Prussian ancestry.

I have to confess that I am as Scaredy as you.  I don’t like anything tubular (walking-stick, kitchen-roll core) nor do I like big plastic bags or frying-pans.  I am also scared of friendly bearded gentlemen if they approach me.  I wonder if they are really friendly, and don’t want to take any risks.  Women with big handbags are dangerous, too. 

I, too, thought Spring might be arriving.  There are violets everywhere.  But today there was rain, and there will be rain tomorrow.  My Dogsbody is pleased because he says there hasn’t been enough rain this winter.  I believe that some dogs  are Scared of rain, but I don’t mind it.  I am a brave dog.  But Thunder is a terrible thing and I have to hide under the table.  Life is full of dangers even when One is Protected by an aged Bearded Factotum – one who does not give me enough food. (I can’t remember when I last ate anything.  His mind is probably away somewhere else hunting kittens or rabbits or even oliphaunts – but not for me!  I am told that dogs are very good for Old Humans with wandering minds, but I have no intention of becoming a Faktotum.)

Here is a picture of me waiting patiently for my dinner…or for a kitten to come and be chased… 

Ever your multilingual and Very Brave Vlaamse Freund - with Erect Ears,

PS My paws never seem to get dirty.  I think they are self-cleaning.

Waiting Patiently for My Dinner - or Something Interesting to Happen.