in the arsehole of diogenes

NEO-HERACLITUS_____________Qweir Notions in the arsehole of Diogenes: weBlog of a septuagenarian Binge-thinker since February 2008.
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Wednesday, 1 March 2017

Extract from a Correspondence between Rocky and Asterix


I've decided on a new hobby Gardening. Me and my owner were very busy last week with clearing up the rough ground in the orchard, i.e ivy (which had fallen down during storm 'Doris') and digging up a lot of nettle roots etc. Then we were transplanting some of the plants that were getting waterlogged in the lawn to the newly created space. I was sniffing out good spots for where to put the plants and was very busy directing the wheelbarrow to my chosen places. I think we have done a pretty good job and maybe I'll consider a new career in Canine Gardening (the only thing is all the muck, it makes my paws sooo dirty!)
But it is not so exciting as catching a ball or a Frisbee.

My ears stood up too when I was a puppy. I was very embarrassed when I looked at myself and thought I will never look like a Border Collie. But then bit by bit they dropped down and I was very relieved. Your ears are how they should be and are very lovely.

The weather has been up and down, one day Spring and next day winter. We even had a bit of sleet this morning. Well, it is the last day of Winter, so hopefully Spring will be arriving tomorrow. 

Hope you two are well and look after each other - 

From your Hundefreund Rocky and mein Frauchen und Herrchen



















Liebe Hundefreunde Rokki und Frauchenli + Herrchenli,

Chers ami canin Roqui et ses Parrains (ou parents ?  humans should give birth to more dogs) 

It seems I have been speaking the wrong language.  I am told that I am definitely a Mechelse Herder van Vlaanderen en ijk spreke vlaamse.  C’est à dire un chien Berger Malinois (Malines=Mechelen, a town south of Antwerpen/Anvers). 

I was very impressed by your ears when you were young.  They look even better than mine – perhaps.  (Thanks for the compliment.  I like compliments.  Don’t you admire my tail ?Maybe one of your ancestors came from Belgium or Germany ?  Maybe they are Prussian Ears, very straight and upright and pointed J   

On Saturday I went to the Veterinary Clinic about 10 km away and I met a lovely woman called Huguette.  She is Belgian (Walloon) and she can read books in French, Dutch, German and English, because I saw them on her bookshelf.  She radiates love.  My Driver fell in love with her.  Apparently everyone is in love with her.  She gave me nice tasty meaty-sweeties because I am such a beautiful and good dog.   I have been limping, and she says I may have Arthritis in my right shoulder.  I have been taking Metacam (hidden in lumps of meat, though I’m not supposed to know that), but I am still limping.  I go back tomorrow and may get X-Rayed.  I was nearly an hour with Huguette (who specialises in dogs and pigs – Frau Schweinundhunddoktor ? ; her Dutch partner specialises in funless cats, and an English man specialises in horses and donkeys and big creatures like that) while she weighed me (I am 28 kg, almost half the weight of my Driver and Valet) and examined my gorgeous fur.  

My turds are now firmer and not so wet.   I chased a hen and it died.  Its name was Dolly. 

I too have been helping with gardening.  My Dogsbody (Faktotum – this is Latin, you know) and I dug a hole and he put a plant in it at our Guerrilla Garden just 100 metres away.  I found a dog-turd under one of the plants. I have met a lot of dogs lately, all of them much quieter than those at the Shelter.  There was a very nice lady dog I met this morning who fancied me.  Perhaps she likes male dogs with Very Small Testicles.  (Eierchen ? Schrumpelklöten ?) (On the other hand I have a nice, large  furry willy (Piller, Piepel, Pillermann, Zipfel, Lümmel, Schniedelwutz - nicht nolens volens which is Latin, you know – I am a Highly-Educated Dog and read about Odysseus and Argus and Cerberus and Anubis - amongst others - in my ample spare time) which all the lady dogs and humans can admire.)  Sorry about all the brackets – I hope they don’t confuse a poor Border Collie with Prussian ancestry.

I have to confess that I am as Scaredy as you.  I don’t like anything tubular (walking-stick, kitchen-roll core) nor do I like big plastic bags or frying-pans.  I am also scared of friendly bearded gentlemen if they approach me.  I wonder if they are really friendly, and don’t want to take any risks.  Women with big handbags are dangerous, too. 

I, too, thought Spring might be arriving.  There are violets everywhere.  But today there was rain, and there will be rain tomorrow.  My Dogsbody is pleased because he says there hasn’t been enough rain this winter.  I believe that some dogs  are Scared of rain, but I don’t mind it.  I am a brave dog.  But Thunder is a terrible thing and I have to hide under the table.  Life is full of dangers even when One is Protected by an aged Bearded Factotum – one who does not give me enough food. (I can’t remember when I last ate anything.  His mind is probably away somewhere else hunting kittens or rabbits or even oliphaunts – but not for me!  I am told that dogs are very good for Old Humans with wandering minds, but I have no intention of becoming a Faktotum.)

Here is a picture of me waiting patiently for my dinner…or for a kitten to come and be chased… 

Ever your multilingual and Very Brave Vlaamse Freund - with Erect Ears,


PS My paws never seem to get dirty.  I think they are self-cleaning.

Waiting Patiently for My Dinner - or Something Interesting to Happen.


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