but I have lost almost all of them and not-unwillingly.
Now I am happier than I have ever been before !
Upon reflection I must say that I cannot read people
at all well, nor connect with them, though I have imagined
deep connection when making love, a bond, a linking
which was of course sheer fantasy - wishful thinking ?
'other people' seem to think one thing,
say another, and do a third thing - or nothing. This perplexes me,
and the distance I feel from them in my perplexity
they also feel, translating it as wayward unsociability.
"You always have to be different from everyone else," my aunt used to say
to me - as Eddy Bellegueule's father also said.
I didn't have to try. I simply seem to have a different perspective,
- "at an angle to the social world" as Cavafy said -
which adds an extra layer of thick glass between the two
already between me and them, me and you.